Don’t Ask Patricia Arquette About Her Brother’s Marriage

Patricia and David Arquette showed up to the Onexone Gala in NYC last night and I guess every reporter was asking her to comment on the current status of her brother’s marriage. Patricia basically told reporters that if a question about her brother starts to tingle on their tongue, they should excuses themselves, go to the bathroom, pull down their pants and try to lick on their own assholes because that’s a better use of their time than asking her about family issues. This is what Patricia said (via UsWeekly):

“How are you doing? How is your kid doing? Have you ever had anything happen in your life? What’s the worst thing that you’ve ever had happen to you? Do you ever masturbate? Have you ever had an abortion? I mean, can you imagine these kind of questions? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? It’s not alright! It’s not alright!”

This is why I’m not a reporter, because I probably would’ve answered seriously with: Eh. Who? Not really. Witnessing this video. I’m doing it right now. Probably.

But seriously, why are these reporters asking Patricia Arquette about David Arquette when they have David Arquette in front of them. David will tell them whatever they want to know. ANYTHING. David has already told Howard Stern that he hasn’t sexed his wife in months and that he cried tears the first time he stuck it in another snatch. So basically, David is wide open for you. Want to know if his shits are banana-shaped? David will answer that. Want to know if David really cried because it was the first time he had sex without getting interrupted by a call from Jennifer Aniston? David will tell you this!

Besides, reporters should be asking Patricia more important things! Like why hasn’t she done a remake of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? with Alexis Arquette yet?