This post has nothing to do with the silicone glazed orchid we all know as Pete Burns, but he’s a global pop star who lives in London and who definitely has “highly sensitive” pictures worth at least £2,000 each (give or take 3 zeros), so it works! Anyways, a 24-year-old man named Sebastian Bennett was convicted in London today of breaking into a famous pop star’s home in the middle of the night, stealing two of her lap tops and then blackmailing her for thousands with a few “highly sensitive” pictures he found on her hard drive. The pop star wants to keep a giant question mark over her face so she has taken out a court order banning the media from dropping her name. Magnifying glasses up!
Last November, the mysterious pop star lost her house keys while going to get her hair done. Her keys somehow landed into the hands of Sebastian Bennett. That night, a man (probably Sebastian) used the keys and snuck into her house while she was asleep. The burglar almost got caught when one of her relatives, who was asleep in another room, woke up. The burglar ran out of the apartment with two of her laptops and a set of car keys. The pop star thought that was that and then the emails started showing up in her inbox…
The blackmail demanded £20,000 for 27 “highly sensitive” (in case you didn’t know already, these pictures are HIGHLY SENSITIVE) pictures of the pop star. If she didn’t pay up, he was going to start shopping them to the media. He told her he could probably get at least £54,000 for them so she was getting a discount. To make a long story less long, the pop star set up a sting operation with the cops and the bitch got nabbed! The end. But who is this mysterious pop star with HIGHLY SENSITIVE pictures? This is what we know:
1) She’s a world famous pop star
2) She’s “instantly recognizable”
3) She has a house in London
All signs point to Pete Burns again! No. The Detective La Toya who lives in the parlor room in my head tells me this is Lily Allen. My inner DTL also tells me these HIGHLY SENSITIVE pictures aren’t of her nipples or of her making a Hitler salute in a sexy KKK outfit or anything like that. I bet the pictures are of her watching a Justin Bieber video all the way through. That shit is beyond damaging.
via Telegraph (Thanks Jim)