October 26, 2010 / Posted by:

Pulpo Paul, the Nostradamus of octopuses who slithered into all of our hearts by correctly predicting the winner of 8 out of 8 World Cup matches, has closed his tiny eyes and lifted one of his soothsaying tentacles for the last time. The Sea Life Center in Oberhausen, Germany announced today that Paul the SLYCIC Octopus has passed away at the age of 2 and a half. Raise your Vuvuzela and let’s all blow out “Candle in the Wind” for Pulpo Paul.

The manager of The Sea Life Center said Pulpo Paul died of natural causes and they will erect a monument as a tribute to him. The manager went on to say these kind words, “We are consoled by the knowledge that he enjoyed a good life here. We had all naturally grown fond of him and he will be sorely missed. We may decide to give Paul his own small burial plot within our grounds and erect a modest permanent shrine. While this may seem a curious thing to do for a sea creature, Paul achieved such popularity during his short life that it may be deemed the most appropriate course of action.”

They say he died naturally, but I refuse to believe this! Paul would’ve seen this coming (GONG me eight times, suction a plunger to my head and drag me off stage)! Did anybody see a shifty, yet sexy, Dutch spy fish swimming around Paul’s tank? THAT BITCH DID IT! What about Walter Mercado or Miss Cleo? Did anybody see them lurking about the aquarium? They all have motives! Or maybe Paul just couldn’t take the pressure of being our new world overlord, so he staged his death and is now leisurely lying on the sand of an aquarium in the Caribbean. That has to be it since Paul is immortal.

Rest in peace, Paul (We’ll play along, even though we all know you’re living the life in the Bahamas)…..

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