Oh, Jakey Just Wants Her To Write A Song About Him

October 25, 2010 / Posted by:

To me, Jakey Gyllenhaal is a wholesome 14-year-old white country girl on the inside and a fragile Brawny man on the outside, so this pairing really isn’t pulling a WTF out of me. Can’t you just picture Jakey and Taylor Swift skipping hand-in-hand down a dirt country road while whistling the melody to some Disney song and waving at the birds in the trees and shit. Then Taylor pulls out her ukulele (or whatever the hell she carries around) and serenades Jakey with a song about how a rainbow is just a black cloud’s smile while he twirls around the strawberry patch like the precious ballerina princess he is. They are like every montage from every G-rated romantic comedy or animated film.

Both Lainey Gossip and Life & Style’s Scene Queens are saying that 20-year-old Taylor and 29-year-old Jakey have been spending a little time together. Lainey says that Taylor brought Jakey to the SNL after-party to hang out with her friend Emma Stone. And a source tells Life & Style that Jakey and Taylor were holding hands while struttin’ their asses around Park Slope in Brooklyn yesterday afternoon.

And I bet they were giggling. Taylor Swift’s natural squint is due to her foolish ass giggling all the time! They don’t even talk, they just giggle and peck at each other’s cheeks. Like I’m sure they even held hands and giggled in front of their lawyers at the contract signing for their new relationship.

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