Seen here wearing a truly elegant dress from Flirt Catalog’s “Don’t Let A Fetus Stunt Your Sexy” collection, Matt Damon’s wife Luciana birthed out yet another baby of the female variety! This is Luciana’s fourth time popping out a girl and three of them she made with Matt Damon. It’s confirmed. Matt Damon’s future is a bathroom filled with freshly scrubbed period panties hanging over the towel bar.
Matt Damon’s rep tells People that they have named their new BABY!!! friend Stella Zavala Damon. Stella Zavala sounds like what might come out of my mouth when I’m drunk off my nips and trying to remember the name of the dude who played Kojak.
Stella joins her sisters Isabella, Gia and Alexia (Luciana’s daughter with a different dude) as the newest member of the Damon family. So Matt Damon’s house is not only The House of GIRLS, but it’s also the House of As. All of his girls’ names end with an A. The right thing for him to do is to join the party and throw an “A” at the end of his name. Matta. It works.
And somewhere that dumb bitch Leah Remini is declaring Matt Damon the biggest man whore who ever whored. On The Talk (aka The Why Am I Watching This Shit Show?) the other day, Leah Remini was trying to guess the sex of Melissa Rycroft’s baby and asked her if her husband was a mega slut before they were married. Melissa sort of said yes, to which deep thinker Leah farted out these words of wisdom, “Then I’m going to say it’s a girl, because … when guys are really bad to women … they end up with a girl.”