Dear Canada, Save The Quaids From The Murderers Of Hollywood!
The Crazy Train Express has pulled its breaks and is stopping at the next station for maintenance, because it knows that there is no way it can keep up with the light speed crazed crackery the Quaids are flicking out onto the tracks. Just when I think they can’t CRAZY any harder, they do!
Randy & Evi Quaid, who got caught in Vancouver on Thursday afternoon, pleaded with Canada’s immigration board on Friday to not send them to the US to face vandalism charges. Evi told the board that Hollywood has already murdered their friends Heath Ledger and David Carradine and she’s afraid that it will wrap its leather gloved hands around Cousin Eddie’s neck next! I mean, she knows this because the bowl of Rice Krispies and apple juice she had for dinner one night snapped, cracked and popped this into her ear. Here’s what HuffPo says went down during the hearing:
Evi Quaid begged a Canadian immigration adjudicator not to force them to return, saying on Friday that friends, such as actors David Carradine and Heath Ledger, have been “murdered” under mysterious circumstances and she worried something would happen to her husband next.
“We feel our lives are in danger,” she said. “Randy has known eight close friends murdered in odd, strange manners … We feel that we’re next.”
During a break in the proceedings, the Quaids’ lawyer, Brian Tsuji approached the media to read a single-sentence statement from the Quaids. “We are requesting asylum from Hollywood star whackers,” he read, declining further comment on the mental state of his clients.
The Quaids were ordered released from custody Friday, but must each post $9,750 bail and fulfill their promise to appear for their next hearing Thursday.
Fulfill their promise?! That’s not how the Quaids roll. By this time tomorrow, the Quaids will be floating on a pool lounger on the Beaufort Sea to seek refuge in the North Pole (the Polar Bears are like “How about NO.”).
And please spend a little time with their note in thumbnail #3. It’s my new favorite thing. I’d like to think it was written with a severed chicken’s foot and wet ashes under a highway bridge. More of this!
