Xtina is lying in her bed right now, softly crying piping hot tears of anguish that trickle down her face picking up layers upon layers of baked-on bronzer before hitting the carpet below. Every time a bronzer soaked tear is about to hit the floor, Xtina’s maid runs over with a bucket and tries to catch it before it’s too late. Just when Xtina thinks she’s ready to roll out of bed, she looks over and sees the bowl of rotten nectarines and frog guts Bat Boy used to feed from every morning. This causes her to throw her bed sheets over her head and continue her cry-a-thon. Xtina’s sheets probably like one of John Travolta’s dirty butt blotting handkerchiefs after one of his sauna orgies.
This is sort of (I’m embellishing for dramatic purposes) what Xtina said in a statement she made to Redbook Magazine (via UsWeekly) about her divorce from Bat Boy. Xtina wouldn’t comment on the rumors that her marriage has a chalk outline around it because she ate more pussy than Alf, but she did have this to say:
“It’s not easy, and there have been a lot of tears and sadness. It’s impossible to redefine yourself and your life overnight. Thankfully, I have my mom and a small group of close friends who are there for me 24/7 and whom I can trust and depend on. On days when it feels impossible to even get out of bed, much less function as a mother, their support and encouragement have kept me moving forward.
Out of respect for my husband, I prefer to keep the specifics private. Right now, I’m just trying to figure out how to make it through each day. Thankfully, I have Max to keep me on a sane path. His needs and happiness are my top priorities, and my biggest concern is to protect him and make him feel safe.”
And in other Xtina news, Radar is going there! They claim that Xtina paid a visit to Cedars-Sinai just days before she filed for divorce from Bat Boy. Some source says that Xtina had a busted up lip that needed to be stitched up by her private surgeon. The source went on to say that Bat Boy told nurses that Xtina fell down. Yeah, so Radar is putting the thought into your head that a “PUT SOME STANK ON IT” moment led to Xtina reaching for the divorce papers….
Here’s Xtina drowning her sadness in Hawaii the other day with some friends. You know shit must be serious if she doesn’t have half of Kim Kardashian’s make-up closet on her face.