Michael Lohan promises that the next time he farts in public, it’s not going to make a sound. Impossible, I know.
In a statement to the media, the ghost of The Situation’s future says that he’s finally going to eat a giant Styrofoam bowl of STFU and will stop violating your eyes with his opinion on everything and anything. This is supposedly the final statement Michael Lohan will ever make. From CNN:
“After serious thought and conversation last night, with someone who means alot [sic]to me. I am making this statement and fully intend on living by it.
With all due respect to those who have both gotten on my nerves for reporting things that weren’t true, ( as well as things that were), I want to make a public statement that I will not be commenting on ANYTHING relating to my daughter Lindsay, or ANYTHING my ex wife Dina, or any ‘sources’ related to her, might say.”
“After all the things said and the incidents which have transpired, I realize that no matter how wrong or right I may have been, at the end of the day, I was wrong for offending my ex wife and my children. Because of the spotlight and scrutiny we have been under, as well as my own “pride,” which has caused pain to my mother, (deceased father), brother, sisters and their sibling[s], I realize how my statements and actions have had a ripple effect on all of them. If it was me alone, it would be one thing, but I’m not. The things I have said and done, have cased hurt , pain and embarrassment for all of them.
That being said, I make this statement in humble supplication. And NO MATTER what accusations, lies or conjecture are disseminated to the public, about me, for the sake of the ones I love and with hope of creating peace, I WILL NOT respond , in ANY way, to what is said or done, to me.
MY family’s health and well being matters too much.
For the sake of those I offended, I apologize and ask their forgiveness. But even if they can’t find it in their heart to forgive, like I forgive them. I KNOW that God will have the last word and defend me in His own way.
So please refrain from from calling or contacting me.”
My favorite part is, “please refrain from calling or contacting me.” HAHAHA. Michael Lohan is totally that crazy bitch you break up with who keeps calling you to say shit like, “LET ME LIVE MY LIFE! Stop bothering me! I hate you! Stop calling me! Lose my number!” And you say, “Um, but you’re the one who called me.”
I mean, what is the roasted dick head going to do now that he has quit his job as an unpaid professional statement maker? Well, my guess is that his day is now going to be filled with calling every single media outlet to make sure that they know he’s not making statements anymore and if they want a statement from him about his statement they need to go and reread the statement he made about not making statements.