In Beyonce’s womb right now, a fetus is growing a head perfect for wearing lace fronts no matter what the conditions and is developing quick reflexes to dodge juicy spit balls flying out of Jay-Z’s mouth when he blows an air kiss at his baby. This is all happening if you believe UsWeekly’s source’s anyways. Their source is saying that Basement Baby will now have some new company at the children’s table during Thanksgiving dinner, because the current state of Beyonce’s belly is: FETALICIOUS.
If I got a quarter for every time a “Beyonce’s uterus is occupied” rumor came up, I’d have enough money to hire an exterminator for Solange’s basement so she wouldn’t wake up in the middle of the night from a moth chewing at her eyelashes. So take this news with a grain of wig dandruff. The source claims that Beyonce is in her first trimester. They also added this, “B was shocked. She loves kids, but she wasn’t ready to be a mother just yet. She really wanted to get her album done and tour the world again. “
We’ll know if this is true if Tina Knowles bursts into the House of Derriere work room this morning and tells all of her minions to stop making glorified catering outfits and to start making silver lamé diapers and mink-trimmed bibs.