A Costume Fit For A Fancy Scientology Princess

Do you really expect 4-year-old Suri Cruise to wear an ordinary princess costume from Rite-Aid or one of the sequined gowns from Tommy Girl’s “role play closet” down in his dungeon (that would be HIGHLY inappropriate for many reasons I am not going to list here) for Halloween? If that happened, the volcanic tears from Xenu would fall onto Earth. Nobody wants that, especially Suri. So because of this, Stepford Katie and Tommy are having a one-of-a-kind princess gown made for Suri using real diamonds. Go look at the balance on your checking account right now. Add a zero or two and that’s how much this mess is going to cost.

A source tells InTouch (via SFGate), “It’s more than a month away, but Suri already has her fairy-princess gown and will be wearing diamonds with her costume. Tom spent more than $6,000 on the dress, which features a tulle skirt and pearl embroidery.”

With all due respect to Suri, fuck her $6,000 Toddlers & Tiaras dress. It will never compete with the bee costume my abuelita made for me in the third grade. Yes, the wings were wonkier than Parasite Hilton’s eye after a glaucoma test and it was so short and tight that I’m pretty sure I had baby moose knuckle, but I still won fifth place in the costume parade!

And you know that after Suri Cruise goes trick or treating in her giant mansion (Suri knocks on the doors of every room and her servants answer holding a bowl of diamonds), Tommy Girl is going to steal her princess dress and add it to his collection. RIGHT: Tommy Girl isn’t.