When 19-year-old Taylor Swift and 33-year-old John Mayer worked on a song together last year, there were rumors that he gently slapped her cherry pie with his douche bottle peen. They never confirmed or denied that mess until now (sort of). Popeater says the junior champion squinter has a song on her album called “Dear John” (aka THIS SONG IS ABOUT JOHN MAYER. THAT’S WHY I CALLED IT DEAR JOHN. THE JOHN IS JOHN MAYER!!!), and the lyrics of the country fair mess make it sound like John Mayer snatched her snatch and then didn’t call her the next day. Here’s a piece of the song:
I see it all now that you’re gone
Don’t you think I was too young
To be messed with
The girl in the dress
Cried the whole way home
I should’ve known.
It was wrong
Don’t you think nineteen’s too young
To be played
By your dark, twisted games
When I loved you so.
My mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You’ll add my name to your long list of traitors
Who don’t understand
And I’ll look back in regret
I ignored what they said ‘Run as fast as you can.”
Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, knows that John Mayer is the type of assbag to whisper sweet pretties into your ear to get into those chonies and then he’ll cross the street when he sees you walking down the sidewalk the next day. Taylor needed to stick two tooth picks under her eye lids so she could see this shit! And lord, her lyrics always make me feel like I’m a 16-year-old country white girl who has stolen her daddy’s pick-up truck in the middle of the night to meet the boy next door down by the river for a little heavy petting.
Anyways, Taylor shouldn’t have wasted her time writing a song about John. Instead of writing her own DEAR JOHN song, she should’ve just sang a cover of the this:
Now that is a Dear John song done right.