Just Needs A Dollop Of Whipped Cream

October 18, 2010 / Posted by:

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to not stuff my mouth hole with shopping carts full of deep fried Wonder Bread and corn syrup sandwiches as usual, because I’m sick of being as bloated as a marshmallow in the microwave. Sucking in is hard work and should be an Olympic sport. And sucking in while trying to lick a nipple is pretty much impossible!

At the advice of my nutritionist/doctor (aka MY MOM), I’ve been trying to drink more water sans Kool-Aid and eat more things that grow out of the ground. It’s gross, it’s hurtful and it’s messing with my emotions. So because of this, I’m looking at the above picture of Marilyn Manson at Spike TV’s Scream Awards and all I see is a deep fried ball of dough that is overstuffed with raspberry pie filling and covered with powdered sugar. The raspberry filling is even seeping out a little. MAKE IT STOP! I should not look at Marilyn Manson’s nutsack of a face and see dessert! And when I look at Mickey Rourke all I see is a delicious plate of chicken parm with a heaping splash of bread crumbs on top.

Fuckit. This has gone way too far. Healthy is obviously not for me. I’m going to Key Foods tonight to get a pack of unbaked pie dough and I’m going to proudly eat that shit while waiting in line to pay for it.

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