And in the blink of a damn eye, Xtina has bowled a coagulated blood ball down her driveway for Bat Boy to chase after, because she’s really done with his ass for real. Radar reports that the head don of the red lipstick mafia sealed her divorce papers with a MAC-coated kiss and filed them in California this morning. Just a couple of days ago Xtina confirmed that she’s no longer riding on her husband’s bat wings of love.
After Radar took a few bottles of lipstick remover to the documents and brushed away the thick layer of pressed powder, they read that there is a prenup and Xtina is refusing to write Bat Boy a monthly check for spousal support. Xtina wants the court to categorize all her shit (including her money, her joo-ree, the peroxide pool in the backyard, the private Max Factor warehouse in her basement, etc….) as personal property. As for their son Max? Xtina wants to share physical and legal custody of him with Bat Boy.
But wait, a source is telling the ESCANDALOSO News Desk (aka TMZ) that Xtina and Bat Boy’s 5-year-old marriage threw itself into a mine in Chile after she allegedly put her mark on another dude’s taint. They say that is the true reason as to why they broke up on 9/11/10 (“Please 4get” – Xtina’s marriage to us).
This is really tragic. Another marriage ending due to wandering wang, or sauntering snatch in this case. It’s tragic because wayward whores really have to learn how to clean up their tracks! Although in Xtina’s defense, cleaning up the bronzed skid marks she leaves on her side-pieces’ ass cheeks would take the help of Molly Maid’s entire team, a box of Easy Off and the blessed spirit of Billy Mays.
And you know what my mom said to me after I told her about this mess? She goes, “Christina’s still married to the one with THE FACE?” Now do you see where I get it from? It’s not my fault. It’s genetic.