David Arquette told the Howard Stern Show this morning that he’s hoping to take a knife full of spackle to the giant cracks in his marriage to Courtney Cox. David’s first step in making that happen was to tell the entire damn universe that he hasn’t stuck it in Cox’s vagina in 4 months! Yes, David got on his blow horn and announced to everyone that the last time his peen visited his wife’s snatch Marmaduke was still playing in the theaters. This is some shit you save for your therapist’s settee or for the side-piece you’re trying to pick up in a bar.
David also kept strolling down TM-FUCKING-I Blvd. by saying that Courtney is the one who wanted to put their marriage on hold, because she was sick of “being his mother.” David said that Courtney is an emotional being and if she doesn’t feel like doing something, she’s not going to do it. He called her the most amazing person he knows and believes they will eventually get their shit together and make their marriage work.
David denied that he passed his peen to other chicks before they split up, but he did admit to getting on noted Lohan puncher and star fucker extraordinaire Jasmine Waltz after the fact.
First of all, I don’t think David Arquette read the fine print on his marriage license that stated by signing that document he’s acknowledging that he might not have sex with his wife for months (if not years) at a time. Read before you sign! Second of all, maybe Courtney will stop treating him like a child the minute he stops dressing like a colorblind 6-year-old boy from the late 70s.