Coming Soon: Bieber On Your Nails

When Justin Bieber runs his fingers through his ethereal upside down hair bowl, his nails get covered in a sparkly syrup that regularly secretes out of his skull pores. Sparkly syrup that is usually found on the tip of a unicorn’s peen. Because The Lesbeaver cares about his fans so much (and because the evilings controlling his strings care about money so much), he has decided to share his glittery pore sweat with the world in nail polish form. Justin and the brand Nicole have joined forces for a collection of nail paints based on his songs. Styleite reports that Justin’s nail polish will be sold exclusively at the emporium of elegance and luxury named Walmart.

Hearing one of Justin’s songs makes me want to boil nail polish remover before pouring it into my ear holes, so this does make sense. This is also good for us non Beliebers, because now we will clearly see the mark of the beast on those who have already crossed over to the Bieber side.

And just so you know, any negative comments you make about The Lesbeaver will be deleted in 14 days. It’s for your own good, because this Belieber will backtrace you and consequences will never be the same! Don’t let the fact that he is most likely is going to get black and orange Halloween bands for his braces NOT SCARE YOU. He knows hackers in Europe and very important FCC executives!

And he’s totally been sniffing Justin Bieber’s nail polish and it isn’t even out yet. He really does have connections.