According to TMZ’s sources, just last week Laura Dern and her husband of 5 years Ben Harper were rolling around together, bumping parts, licking on each other’s saliva and flicking tongues as though everything was alright (sort of). So because of this, the emotion called SHOCK played on Laura Dern’s face when Ben dropped divorce papers right into her lap on Friday afternoon. Laura quickly searched through the papers to make sure the reason for divorce was not listed as: THAT LIFE-RUINING SLUT ANGIE JO, AGAIN! No, Ben cited irreconcilable differences.
In the documents, Ben states that he doesn’t want to pay spousal support and is asking for joint custody of their kids Ellery (9) and Jaya (5). Ben lists January of this year as the date of separation, but TMZ’s trusty sources claim that the two have been carrying on like a regular couple all year. They were living and traveling together.
Correct me with a red Sharpie if I’m wrong, but didn’t Ben Harper drop his first wife Joanna for Laura Dern after she got dropped for Angie Jo (she didn’t have the saint title back then) by Billy Bob Thornton? We know who’s a firm believer in “Don’t Drop A Piece Until You’ve Got A New Piece.” The only way ordered can be restored is if Laura Dern fucks on Brad Pitt, Angie Jo fucks on Ben Harper and Billy Bob Thornton fucks on Ben’s first wife Joanna. Git on that.
(Image via Wireimage)