Here’s Miley Cyrus trying to recreate the girl-on-girl Basic Instinct grind and doing her best “chola with the urges” face in her new video for some awful song called “Who Owns My Heart (SPOILER ALERT: Mickey Mouse does, still).” And seriously, Miley’s “chola with the urges” face looks more like “beaver with the hard shits” face. But there’s more important matters to discuss. Important matters that concern me.
After watching this video in its entirety, I can say with confidence that this sends the wrong message to our youth. Miley Cyrus is only 17-years-old in this video and not only does she have her own bathroom BUT she has a queen-sized bed in her bedroom too! THE FUCK? When I was 17, I was still writhing around like a horny worm on a twin bed! You will never learn the hardships of real life if you’ve never fallen off of a twin bed while trying to bring the sexy. And I had to wait for my sister to finish up in the bathroom before I could primp my shit for a night of R-Rated dry humping and booze guzzling in the church parking lot.
Do not show this to your chirruns or they’ll start begging you for adult-sized beds and their own private bathroom.