The Womb Goblin of Louisiana is having deep conversations with a toilet and re-enacting the love scenes from Jason’s Lyrics with a jail mattress (Lil Wayne: Just like me!), because he has been forced to serve the rest of his 8-month sentence in solitary confinement. Lil Wayne can’t talk to trick or watch TV and his phone time has been cut to only one call a week. Somewhere in Pennsylvania, one of the Gosselin kids is wishing they were Lil Wayne right about now.
E! Online reports that Lil Wayne was punished by officials at Rikers Island after they found out that he somehow smuggled in contraband headphones and an iPod charger back in May. They found that shit in an empty potato chip bag hidden in his cell. The iPod was found in another inmate’s cell nearby. That shit is not allowed, because they weren’t from the jail commissary.
So until he’s released next month, Weezy will sit by himself in a small cell for 23 hours a day. When they let him out an hour a day to wash his nuts and kick a ball in the yard, he won’t be allowed to talk to the other inmates.
Weezy was shuffled off to Rikers this past March for admitting guilt to felony attempted weapons possession.
Solitary confinement might sound like a beautiful thing that only exists in the parts of your dreams that can’t be disturbed by a screaming baby or a barking dog, but it’s not. Since I work at home, I’m pretty much in solitary confinement most of the day and it has injected even more crazy into my already crazy-filled brain. I mean, I say a lot of my thoughts out loud. And sometimes when I’m walking amongst the living on the outside, I forget where I am and I start mumbling to myself. Yeah. I’m one of those.
So if you ever see me sitting on a park bench and rambling to the clouds about “Anderson Cooper’s nipple hair, Chicken Cutlets and lazy kittens“, just throw a can at my head and keep on. That’s what my dog would do if he could lift shit.