A little over a week ago, Kirstie Alley proclaimed to her Twitter followers that 50 pounds of dead Thetans from her body threw themselves into a volcano and she only has 30 more pounds to lose. Then she Twatted a picture that was so overly Photoshopped that even Mimi told Kirstie to take her foot off the fuckery pedal. Well, here’s a few pictures of Kirstie from the past couple of days. As Starzlife so perfectly puts it, those 50 pounds Kirstie lost must’ve found her ass.
If the spirit of L. Ron Hubbard can turn an ass cheek to John Travolta gobbling up sauna dick as though it’s going extinct, he needs to love every inch of Kirstie’s chunk. I mean, my guess is that Kirstie is so obsessed with telling everyone about every little pound she drops, because whenever she’s about to bite into a delicious piece of deep fried pizza covered in cheese frosting (that actually sounds really good), she sees Xenu staring back at her with a “tsk tsk tsk” look on his face. Fuck Xenu and fuck him again for fucking with cheese frosting. Embrace the chunk, the way the crazy embraces you, Kirstie.
And in other Kirstie news, this story from The National Enquirer (via Showbiz Spy) took me so high that I’m giving my bong the weekend off (not really). A source says, “Kirstie’s on an organic diet to lose weight. But she’s usually too lazy to go to the farmers market or store for produce and often swipes avocados, oranges, grapefruits, and other stuff from neighboring properties. People are getting really annoyed with her because she so doesn’t ask — she just takes.”
The image of Kirstie jumping over a brick wall to wrestle a pony over the last apple on the tree is my TGIF.