Rachel “Chupcabra” Zoe’s womb might be as small as a hallowed out raisin, but someway somehow a fetus has managed to squeeze itself in there. Hey, I’ve lived in apartments so small that I was able to take a dump while making my twin bed at the same time, so I have no sympathy for chupa fetus. Suck it up, chupa fetus! But not lit-er-ally, because that could make her raisin womb even smaller.
So…all last season on The Rachel Zoe Project, Chupa’s husband Roger kept begging her for a baby. And not the kind of baby she brings home in the middle of the night to feed from on the bathroom floor. NO! A baby of their very own. Well, flip that hair, Roger, because a source tells OK! Magazine that Chupa is now eating for one!
This source says that 39-year-old (yeah, I know you want to see the receipts) Chupa is whispering to her closest friends that she’s 3-months knocked up. The source went on to say, “But now that she’s pregnant, she’s telling people that this is something that she and Roger have wanted for many years and she’s finally at a level of success where she can afford to take some time off. She’s going to be going on maternity leave from full time styling immediately after this year’s Academy Awards, and doesn’t expect to work again until early fall at the earliest. She and Rodger are especially happy and Rachel, who can normally be quite emotionless, even teared up a few times as she started letting people in on the news.”
Don’t tear up, Chupa! That’s less nourishment for the chupa baby! Yeah, I don’t really know how this happened either since I doubt Chupa even lets Roger cum in her out of fear that she’ll gain more calories. Hell, she probably doesn’t even let him bust some man chowder on her skin, because the cum calories could get into her system through her pores! This will be interesting.
And their baby is totally going to look like this:
Lock up your newborn babies in a Chinese Laundry or Payless shoe box, because there’s going to be a new chupa waiting to snatch them by the neck! Yeah, Chupa won’t get near anything related to Chinese Laundry.