Jennifer Aniston Really Loves The Douchebags

September 29, 2010 / Posted by:

When a douchebag wet burps and passes the check to Jennifer Aniston after a romantic dinner, she swoons so hard that the dust from her womb queefs out of her vag. When a douchebag calls her a cab ten seconds after he busts a nut because he says he has somebody else coming over, Jennifer Aniston runs home and pastes a picture of his face over the mannequin groom she keeps in her “wedding room.” Basically, Jennifer Aniston stops for assholes, which is why she wanted to go around with Josh Hopkins even though he treated her like a common fuck buddy.

Josh and Jennifer first started dating back in May after she met him through Courtney Cox. Josh is in that Cougar Town crap with Courtney. A source tells UsWeekly that Jennifer drew hearts around Josh’s name on her Trapper Keeper, but the only thing he wanted from her was a fuck ‘n run.

The source went on to say, “Josh is a player and is into meeting younger girls. He definitely lies to girls. Josh calls Jennifer his ‘sport fuck’.” Another source said that Jen has always gotten a boner for “really good-looking assholes.” The official medical term for that is called “Dickmatization.” You know, dick so good that it effects all your senses.

And on a single positive note, being called a sport fuck is better than being called a lonely and miserable spinster whose future looks like an episode of Animal Hoarders. Right? Right. Right?

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