Right after Jennifer Grey and Derek Hough got their scores on Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases last night, the audience started launching boos off their tongues. Some think that the BITCH BOOM BYES were directed at Jennifer’s score, but others say that the boos came out when Sarah Palin made her way to her chair to be interviewed by Tom Bergeron.
Personally, I don’t think they were shitting on either of those. No, they were obviously giving their opinion of Brooke Burke’s clear plastic dress straps! Only contestants in the Ms Senior Sweetheart pageant or underage prostitots whose parents would get arrested if they slipped a nip should be allowed to wear clear plastic dress straps.
Yes, I realize that the straps were there to prevent a wardrobe malfunction that could result in a dick slap from the FCC, but there had to be a better way to hold up her dress. The Hoff isn’t doing anything. He would’ve held up her dress for a couple of drink tickets at Bennigan’s. Just say no to clear plastic dress straps. No matter what bitches tell you, they are the enemy.
So anyways, there’s not much to say about last night’s episode. Bristol didn’t give birth to anything, The Situation didn’t infect the audience with any STDs (or did he?) and MOP HEAD didn’t fuck her partner’s peen with her back fat even though that’s the only thing she was thinking about. Unfortunately, none of those things happened but this did:
Michael Bolton is my new favorite! Michael reenacted his kinky sex games with Nicolette Sheridan by crawling out of a damn dog house! Michael has brought many a dry vaginas out of menopause with his voice and there he is crawling out of a dog house! If that wasn’t bad enough, then he started dancing…. Dude looked like a pepaw with chronic crotch cramps trying to hit it from the back. Michael for the win (even though he’s totally going back to the easy listening section from which he came from).