Playgirl Wants Vinny’s Watermelon

Playboy has already offer Jersey Shore’s JWoww $400,000 to fully bare what a plastic surgeon gave her in the pages of their magazine, and now their little gay brother Playgirl wants Vinny to take off his Ed Hardy chonies for $30,000. So while JWoww is driving around in a Bentley she bought with her Playgirl money, Vinny can follow her in his brand new fully equipped Kia Sorrento! Kias get better mileage, thankyouverymuch.

Daniel Nardicio of Playgirl tells Life & Style’s Scene Queens that they put out the offer to Vinny after Snooki said on an episode of Jersey Whores that smooshing him was like putting a “watermelon into a pin hole.” Snooki is already the side of a watermelon, so my guess is that Vinny’s dick is bigger than her. Snooki normally looks like an Oompa Loompa, but when Vinny stuck it in she swole up like Violet Beauregarde. More like a garden snake eating a water buffalo.

Playgirl is not stopping there either. They also want to make a rubber replica of Vinny’s watermelon cock through their company Clone-A-Willy. They will give Vinny a cut of the profits.

If Vinny has a dick that could break the fruit weight at a grocery store then Playgirl better up their offer. They paid Levi Johnston $150,000 and he didn’t even show one peen lip. Vinny should charge by the pound.

And if Vinny gets sick of weak hos complaining that his “dick so large” situation leaves them with broken hip bones and sore throats (even though they didn’t give him oral), then he needs to call up Medusa: