These three Japanese Wonky McValtrex fans really wanted to meet their icon today. They punched each other in the left eye to bring the wonk out, they filled their crotches with coked up crabs, and they put on a bunch of clothes that nobody over the age of 8-months should wear. Just like Paris! But their “OMGImsoexcitedtocatchanSTDfromParis” faces quickly turned into sad faces when they realized she wasn’t going to show up. Wonky couldn’t greet her fans, because immigration officials stopped her from entering the country. Oh, Japan, keep being magical.
Fox News reports that Wonks was detained for 6 hours today over that whole “getting caught with coke” shit. Before Wonks boarded a private jet to Japan, she pled guilty to coke possession in Las Vegas. Immigration officials in Japan have an issue with that, because any person with a “suspended sentence” is not allowed entry into the country except under special circumstances.
Wonks is in Japan to promote her line of purses (aka coke carriers) with her sister. All of her scheduled appearances have been put on hold until further notice. Wonks and Nicky are staying at an airport hotel until immigration decides to let her in or not.
Why was she there for six hours?! Did it really take that long for the bravest members of Japan’s bomb squad to put on gas masks, grab a vat of holy water and venture into her cunt cavern to make sure she’s not bringing in any bags of coke? Maybe they haven’t made it back yet. Yeah, that’s probably it.
If Japan does the right thing by not letting Paris in, they can officially change their welcome sign from “Welcome to Japan: The Land of Fresh Fuckery” to “Welcome to Japan: A Proud Wonk-Free Zone!!!”
And back to the picture above. I’m conflicted about ole’ girl on the left. It’s true that everybody loves an old whore, but does everybody love an old whore lover? That’s the question.