No Jail For Wonks

September 18, 2010 / Posted by:

Parasite Hilton has copped a peen (don’t you dare red mark that typo) in order to keep from sitting her flat ass in jail. The Las Vegas Review-Journal says that Wonks will plead guilty to misdemeanor drug possession and obstructing an officer in exchange for a tiny slap on the wrist in the form of one year of probation. Wonks’ crotch critters are clapping their claws together, because their fix is going to keep on coming!

Wonks was caught with less than a gram of the bad shit in Las Vegas last month when her boyfriend was pulled over for hot boxin’. According to reports, Wonks’ story changed several times. At first she denied that the purse was hers. Then she said that the purse did belong to her, but she let her friend borrow it earlier in the night. That’s when she dropped the “I thought the coke was gum” excuse. Wonks faced jail time if prosecutors charged her with a felony. But now she’s free!

On top of probation, she will have to pay a $2000 fine, complete a substance abuse program and serve 200 hours of community service. If she’s busted for anything before her probation ends, she’ll go to jail for a full year. Somewhere deep inside Wonks’ pet closet, Tinkerbell Hilton is offering up a reward to any dog who successfully sets her up. So 911 operators should know exactly what to do if they get a call from a yappy ass dog. We’re all in this together!

But seriously, the lesson here is that if you’re going to get caught with the bad shit make sure the arresting officer can check the “rich“, “white,” and “famous” boxes on the police report. If they can, then feel free to do a line on the report while the officer is writing it up, because the party never ends for you! YAY!

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