Two quick bumps after TMZ broke the story that Lindsay Lohan tested positive for cocaine in at least one of her drug tests, she lifted up her nose and denied the whole thing to UsWeekly by saying, “I’m fine. They’re all nuts.” The high of delusional must have wore off real quick, because she changed her tune in a series of Tweets where she admitted she got a fat fucking F on several drug tests. LiLo FINALLY also admitted that she still gets hongray for the bad shit even though she has always denied this fact.
“Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result. Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future. This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences. I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard, but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else. I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!”
A part of me wants to stick a bronze star on LiLo’s forehead for finally joining the land of reality by admitting she’s got problems. Another part of me is like that bitch on Intervention who isn’t convinced and will still take their purse to bed with them so the crackhead in the house doesn’t pull a $20 out of their wallet in the middle of the night. And then the biggest part of me really wants a Bear Claw, so I’m going to go and do that.
Meanwhile, White “My Child Is Not An Addict” Oprah is staring at the ceiling and whistling a happy tune while trying to slip out of the room undetected. White Oprah needs to make a few phone calls to see if this latest admission ups the price for LiLo’s first interview or not.
And here’s LiLo leaving a restaurant last night. Still waiting for her apology for those lips.