Nobody Is Safe From Tim Gunn!

September 17, 2010 / Posted by:

Tim Gunn has been on fire lately and slaying ho after ho after after ho! Bitches better hide behind the drawbridge, because it’s only a matter of time before Tim Gunn spits out a fire ball of truthery at you!

Tim has already put Taylor Momsen’s ass in a chair after he called her a “pathetic brat” and made the Salahis question their life choices when he said they were sociopaths. Now Tim has pulled out the cuntified tongue sword in his mouth and lashed it at legendary fashion icon SURI CRUISE! Suri better pull her hair back into a pony tail, put on her scrappin’ heels and grease up her Thetans, because Tim is coming at her hard.

It all started when Tim turned Lindsay Lohan’s ginger hair to ash while blasting her on Access Hollywood Live yesterday:

“Mr. Ungaro is dead and God knows he must have been rolling over in his grave, but I thought, this is one of the last couture houses left in this entire world. Lindsay Lohan is the creative director? How absurd is that! It would be like asking, I don’t know, like, asking Suri Cruise to pilot a fighter jet.”

(FYI: Suri can’t pilot a fighter jet, but she can strike a faaaaaabulous pose while standing next to one and that’s a better skill to have.) And then Tim put a fart in L. Ron Hubbard’s eye when he called Suri a victim of fashion:

“Suri is, she’s her mother and father’s dress up doll and I feel in many ways she’s a fashion victim and it’s just very inappropriate. I think it’s unsafe too. She’s a little kid and [she’s] tottering around on these stilettos or quasi stilettos. It’s really inappropriate and I feel bad for her in a manner of speaking.”

The platinum half helmet on Tim Gunn’s head can almost protect him from anything, but I’m still concerned. Suri Cruise is the most powerful woman in the world (next to Joan Collins, of course) and she might have the power to end Tim Gunn with just one call. So Tim better sleep with a Nerf Gun filled with anti-depressants under his bed in case Tommy Girl sends his goons after him. And we need Tim to stay safe so he can continue to brighten our lives with shiny truth gems.

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