Lindsay Lohan Failed Her Drug Test

The judge in Lindsay Lohan’s case made it clear that if she fucks up again she will go back to her private jail room at Lynwood for 30 days. “Fucking up” includes getting an F on a drug test. Well, LiLo must’ve used the wrong baby’s piss during a drug test, because TMZ says that she failed one last week. This is why you have to always drug test the baby you’re going to take piss from for your drug test. That crackhed, I swear.

LiLo barely got out of rehab, but according to test results she’s back on the shit that put her there in the first place. Even though LiLo swears she didn’t fail a test, TMZ is standing by their story. A rep for the D.A. says they have yet to receive the results from her test.

Hmmm. I wonder which excuse LiLo is going to pull out of her ass this time? Maybe Michael Lohan broke into her apartment while she was asleep, drugged her, threw her into a bath tub full of ice and surgically replaced her bladder with a bladder tainted with druggy piss. LiLo regularly wakes up in a bath tub full of ice, so she didn’t think anything of it. Or maybe Michael Lohan broke into the drug testing facility and switched her piss with White Oprah’s piss. White Oprah’s piss is made of pure opiates. This is true.

Who knows which excuse LiLo will use, but I’m sure it will involve Michael Lohan doing some kind of ninja-like shit.

UPDATE: TMZ says that LiLo’s drug test came up positive for cocaine. DUMB BITCH! She thought she was snorting up aspirin! She had no idea it was the bad shit even though it came in a plastic baggie and her dealer laid it out for her on her usual mirror. She thought it was aspirin!

UPDATE II: TMZ now says that this dumb fuck got an F on more than one drug tests. Their source said that she flunked a second test, but it wasn’t for cocaine. They wouldn’t say what it was for. BLOHAN IS BACK!!!!