We Will Make Sexy Times With You

September 16, 2010 / Posted by:

The Borat as Freddie Mercury rumors are back! But this time Deadline Hollywood swears on their TOLDJA! trademark application that Sacha Baron Cohen will slip into an assless Spandex onesie (bitch already has a few in his closet) to play the crotch thruster of all crotch thrusters in a Queen biopic. Sacha’s rep shot down this rumor a couple of few years ago, but Deadline says that it’s real this time and production will star next year. The script is being written by Peter Morgan who wrote The Queen and Frost/Nixon.

The surviving members of Queen have licensed their songs for the movie. Deadline’s sources aren’t sure if Sacha is going to try to achieve the impossible by replicating Freddie Mercury’s voice, or if he’s simply going to move his mouth to the track.

My emotions aren’t sure where to go on this one. I mean, this could be as good as dating someone who works at the Hostess factory (FREE SNO-BALLS…in more ways than one) or as disappointing as running out of lube and olive oil right before you’re about to get some.

But I would be all about a Queen biopic if the one man who was born to play Freddie Mercury was cast as him. I’m talking about John Stossel, of course:

John Stossel in spandex? That sight would make Barbara Walters lose her lisp! It’s obvious that John Stossel’s moustache and Freddie Mercury’s moustache are one. Soulstaches forever.

(side-by-side via Stereogum)

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