No Party For George

When George Michael was sentenced to 8 weeks in the chokey for driving while stoned, I made a dumb joke about how it’s going to be a non-stop party in there. Well, it is a non-stop party at Pentonville, but not for George. The Mirror says that George’s fellow inmates have been butchering his songs by singing them out loud from their cells while he softly weeps into his hands.

A source says that George was put into a special cell block filled with inmates who get their asses jumped when they’re in the main part of the prison. George is now surrounded by convicted child touchers and rapists because prison officials think he’s safer there. The inmates call that block “The Ritz”, because there’s a TV and a duvet in every cell. But even though George can soothe his sorrows with reruns of Footballers Wives (please tell they show Footballers Wives reruns in Britain), he is still sadder than Keanu Reeves.

One of the inmates told The Mirror by phone, “As soon as he arrived some of the prisoners burst into a rendition of Freedom. And when he was taken to shower they sang ‘Guilty George has got no freedom’ to the tune of Careless Whisper. He is sulking. He’s wearing prison-issue tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt but doesn’t have any shoes on. When the cells were unlocked in the morning he just sat there and refused to come out. Everyone was peering out of their windows overlooking the exercise yard expecting to see him but he didn’t show.”

George is expected to stay in the pedo wing for at least 4 days before being moved to the main cell block.

So, if you were wondering why your iTunes cut off a song and started playing “Careless Whisper“, you now know why. When a tear falls down George Michael’s cheek, every radio, stereo and computer automatically cues up “Careless Whisper.”

And George Michael bawling on a prison bed while a bunch of pedos shout out the lyrics to “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” is the 1980s recurring nightmare come true.