Here Comes The Bri….. Wait, Who’s That Bitch?

If you’re a soon-to-be bride who dreams of the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with lifting your veil at the altar before shouting “HARPO, WHO DIS WOMAN?”, then this is the show that was tailor-made just for you! The Hollywood Reporter says that E! has swallowed a giant shot of The Swan, chased it with a bottle full of Bridezilla and barfed out a new show called Bridalplasty. America, pat yourself on the devil horns, because you’ve done it again!

Here’s the description for this mess which sounds like a bridal shower co-hosted by Jocelyn Wildenstein and Heidi Montag:

Each week, a group of women competes head-to-head in such challenges as writing wedding vows and planning honeymoons. The winner receives the chance to choose a plastic surgery procedure from her “wish list.” She’s given the procedure immediately, and results are shown at the start of the following week’s episode.

One by one, the women are voted out by their competitors and, according to the show’s description, “possibly walking away with nothing and losing [their] chance to be the perfect bride.”

The last bride standing will receive a “dream wedding,” where she will reveal her new appearance to friends, family and the groom. “Viewers will witness his emotional and possibly shocked reaction as they stand at the altar and he lifts her veil to see her for the first time following her extreme plastic surgery,” E! said.

Celebrity surgeon Terry Dubrow (Fox’s infamous “The Swan”) will lend his expertise to the procedures, and celebrity bride Shanna Moakler (wife of Blink-182’s Travis Barker) will host.

Giuliana Rancic executive produces the show, as do Mark Cronin and Cris Abrego of 51 Minds, the company behind VH1’s “The Surreal Life” and “Rock of Love” franchises.

HAHAHAHAHA! You know at the end of every episode of The Swan when homegirl breaks down into tears of happiness because her low self-esteem has finally been buried by a mound of silicone, collagen and other non-biodegradable materials? Well, it’s going to be like that except the tears are going to come from the groom and they won’t be tears of happiness. The groom is going to eat his own eyes, because the woman he has fallen in love with now looks like a Julie Masking impersonator.

I really can’t wait. I feel like I’ve already caught the bouquet (made out of the bride’s old face).