Way To Waste A Perfectly Good Burrito

The mansluts of Motley Crue were way ahead of their time. Long before the “Smell Yo Dick” method came along, Motley Crue went to great lengths to keep the skank cloud on their peens from wafting into their girlfriend’s noses. Vince Neil tells Hustler (via Contact Music) that they would hide the rank scent of herp pus, wart scabs, snatch jelly and dried man chowder by rubbing egg burritos all over their crotches. Who ordered the egg and spoiled chorizo burrito? Just in time for breakfast! Bon appebarf!

Vince tells Hustler, “We were always fucking other chicks at the studio and backstage… We would take Tommy Lee’s van to a restaurant called Noggles to buy these egg burritos and then rub them on our crotches to cover the smell of the girls we had just fucked. So our dicks smelled of eggs… We would tell our girlfriends, ‘Oh, we dropped the burritos in our laps.’ The girlfriends thought we were a bunch of clumsy slobs. We never thought about going into the restroom and just washing our dicks.”

Why stick your dick under the faucet in the bathroom at Noggles when you can fuck a tortilla vagina filled with scrambled eggs! That’s more fun! Stupid fucks! Unless Vince Neil was dating Jessica Simpson’s brain twin, there’s no way that she bought his shit story every time. I mean, why wasn’t he wearing pants while eating a burrito? Why was there also an underline scent of rotten kipper boiling under the sun in a plastic tub full of clam juice?

Besides, I’m sure Vince’s natural sex scent smells like scrambled eggs, hot sauce and sausage, so he wasted a delicious breakfast burrito. That’s the saddest part.