Gerard Depardieu Was Robert De Niro’s Boner Savior

September 13, 2010 / Posted by:

Noted Binoche-hater and one of France’s biggest cuntbags Gerard Depardouchebag told a story at the Montreal Film Festival that nobody ever needed to know. If herbal chemists can find a way to put this story into pill form, it will replace activated charcoal as the #1 natural vomit inducer.

While shooting 1900 back in 1977, Robert De Niro had trouble summoning the hard emotion out of his peen. One scene called for Robert’s dick to get hard and since he’s a true thespian he didn’t want to use artificial tools to do the job for him. So for some bizarre reason, Robert called up his co-star Gerard Depardieu to help him out. That shit is weird, because Gerard’s face is usually used to kill rock hard boners, not birth them. Try it. Stare at the picture above of Gerard’s face. Yup, flaccid clits and dicks all around. You never knew clitolepsy was a real thing until now.

Page Six says that Gerard claims that he solved Robert’s dick dilemma in a quick second. Gerard wouldn’t give up the details, but said it involved water and Tiger Balm. I don’t even want to know how that works….

Just in case the thought of a younger Gerard and Robert trying to wake up a boner is easier to deal with, here’s a picture of them in the movie 1900:

By the looks of Gerard today and Gerard in 1977, my guess is that he also spreads water and Tiger Balm on his nose every night before he goes to bed.

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