St. Angie Has No Friends

Every night, St. Angie rolls out of her coffin lined with the taint skins of her past victims and immediately checks her Facebook account to see if she got any new friend requests. She never does. In the high school cafeteria of life, St. Angie and Brad Pitt sit in the round green table in the corner all by themselves. That’s what St. Angie told CNN’s Sanjay Gupta anyways.

In an interview on Wednesday from Pakistan, where she met with victims of the flood disaster, St. Angie was asked how she deals with the loneliness of always traveling without her family. St. Angie answered like this:

“I’ll talk to my family. I talk to Brad; he wants to know as much as he can about these issues and every trip. He’s been here as well; he came with me after the earthquake. But I don’t know, I don’t have a lot of friends I talk to. He is really the only person I talk to.”

I’m with Angie! Friends ain’t shit! Friends always start crying and slapping at you whenever you try to “relocate” their man’s peen to your fuck part. Friends always threaten to call the authorities whenever you try to adopt their chirruns out from under them. And don’t get me started on the unnecessary tantrums they throw whenever they wake up to find you sucking their blood out for nourishment. Honestly, who needs the drama?

via UsWeekly