Everybody Rolls Their Eyes At Megan Fox

Esteemed scientists and doctors (Oh god, now I sound just like Megan Fox) discovered a while ago that the mere sight of Megan Fox’s face triggers a Tourettes-like tick that sends a message from your brain to your eye balls to roll roll roll roll. Roll like they’re trying to get far far away from Megan Fox and all the ridiculousness that trickles out of her mouth like slobber.

So because of this, I wasn’t surprised to hear from Megan herself that people regularly give her the international eye sign for “BITCH PLEASE” when she brings up her beloved marriage to David Silver. Megan tells Elle:

“When I talk about my husband [Brian Austin Green], I feel as if people roll their eyes. It’s like when you’re 16 and order a martini, and the waiter says, ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ They can’t grasp that I’m old enough to be married.”

Somebody give Megan the names and numbers of the esteemed doctors I was talking about so she knows that people aren’t rolling their eyes at her because she got married to David from 90210 at the mind-bogglingly young age of 24. It’s because she’s Megan Fucking Fox!

And don’t you dare call Megan a dumb slut, because when she was 16 she was inside of the bar ordering a grown up martini like Don Draper while all of us sat on a parking block outside sharing a 2 liter of Strawberry Shasta spiked with Popov. Megan is, was and will always be wise beyond her years!

Wait, now that I think about it, we were outside getting buzzed while Megan was inside getting denied. Okay, you can call her a dumb slut now, but make sure you follow it with an eye roll so it counts!