White Oprah Never Gets A Day Off

Can’t White Oprah just have one full day of lying passed out on the garage floor (with car keys still in hand) without Nana Lohan having to tase her in the neck to tell her that once again someone has dragged the innocent Lohan name through the mud! Kind of like how White Oprah had to drag herself out of the T.G.I.Friday’s to barf her 8th Mud Slide of the night into the bushes. Sort of like that. Sort of.

Hopefully White Oprah will get tomorrow off, because today she had to rinse the turnpike party out of her mouth to release a statement in response to a judge calling Snooki a “Lindsay Lohan wannabe.” The judge called Snooki this after she declared she was guilty of getting tanked on the beach (she was sentenced to 2 days of community service). White Oprah kept her statement to TMZ pretty simple:

“The family is very disappointed that a judge would say that in a court of law.”

It really is disgusting that a judge would compare Snooki to Lindsay Lohan. I mean, LiLo has snorted a lot of lines, hit a lot of parked cars, gotten a lot of DUIs and told a lot of people to fuck off to get where she is today! And what has Snooki done? The Wookie of Poughkeepsie has a long way to fall before she even comes close to LiLo. Thankyouverymuch.

Here’s Snookers going to the movies with JWoww and Deena today before showing up to court. Whatever you do, do not let Tim Peeler see Snooki’s boots. I don’t think he can handle it.