A Handful Of Tommy Titty

September 8, 2010 / Posted by:

At last night’s NYC premiere of The Romantics, Stepford Katie constantly kept putting her trained hand right below Tommy Girl’s decolletage (aka the official Scientology jizz landing pad) in almost every picture. It’s like she was giving him a breast exam right there in front of everyone. Or maybe that’s how Tommy uploads sound bytes into her hard drive for her to spit out at the media in between her frozen smiles. It must be something like that, because I’m pretty sure Tommy doesn’t like anyone to side-hug him unless there’s a peen poking at his waist.

Speaking of Stepford-worthy sound bytes, Katie gave a few to various outlets about Suri and her beloved master. Bitch sounds like she gets her quotes from a Disney Princess See ‘N Say or Dream Phone.

On how romantic Tommy is:My husband has red roses for me everywhere I go and whenever we travel.”

On being a mom: “Being a mother is so dreamy.”

On Suri’s internal light: “She is such a light that you instantly feel better. When I’m working, I feel like ‘Wow, this is so magical I get to share this with you, and you give me so much.’ It’s really fun

What the hell is wrong with her?! Katie is in the wrong business. She should be writing songs for Barry Manilow, or English tag lines for products in China.

Here’s more of Katie trying to squeeze leche out of Tommy’s nipples last night while Adam Brody, Josh Duhamel, Elijah Wood and Malin Akerman watched.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).

src="https://c.statcounter.com/922697/0/f674ac4a/1/"
alt="drupal analytics" >