Kanye West woke up this morning on his solid gold throne feeling like he just wanted to dip himself into a cyber vat of holy water and wash off a few layers of his ego by apologizing to Taylor Swift for imma-ing her at the VMAs last year…among other things.
Kanye slid into the confessional booth opposite Father Twitter Bird and confessed that he wrote a special song for Taylor and that the media has wrongfully portrayed him as an angry white girl hater who represents the word ASSHOLE on Google Images. Note: George Bush, St. Angie Jolie and Gene Simmons are all on the first two pages when you Google “asshole,” but Kanye is not. But does he show up on the second page when you Google “egomaniac.” FYI.
Kanye’s entire new life manifesto is after the jump. It’s a holiday weekend so Kanye’s CAPS LOCK KEY has the day off. Kanye had to SHIFT this bitch.
If you think this is going to make your eyes invent a new kind of roll, let me just tell you that one of his Tweets starts with “Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy…” You can’t fully throw hate on Kanye’s Bible of Self-Revelations when he brings Anchor Man (and WICKED) into it. Warning: It’s longer than you can ever EVER imagine.
Slide into the booth with Kanye and JUMP!
“Man I love Twitter… I’ve always been at the mercy of the press but no more… The media tried to demonize me. They wanted yall to believe I was a monster in real life so you guys wouldn’t listen or buy my music anymore. I feel like they were waiting for the opportunity to go in all the way on me and when it came they beat me to a pulp.
Even now a lot of articles start there first 2 paragraphs about how much of an asshole I am. I accept the idea (ideal) that perception is reality. When I say perception is reality I mean whatever you think is the truth… is your truth. Some people’s truth is Kanye is racist… It’s not my truth but I do believe it’s my Karma…. walk with me…
Even though the NBC telethon was widely praised yall didn’t think they was just gone let me get away with that did yall???!!! With the help of strong will, a lack of impathy, a lil alcohol and extremely distasteful & bad timing … I became George Bush over night.
How deep is the scar… I bled hard.. cancelled tour with the number one pop star in the world … closed the doors of my clothing office. Had to let employees go… for the first time I felt the impact of my brash actions … I felt the recession from an ownership side.
People booed when I would go to concerts and the performer mentioned my name. Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy cursed on air and the entire city turned on him? But this wasn’t a joke. This was & is my real life. There are people who don’t dislike me… they absolutely hate me!
I was chilling with this white girl having a conversation and she cut me off and said… Hold up… I thought you didn’t like us?! That’s when you realize perception is reality. I’ve been straying from this subject on twitter but I have to give it to you guys raw now.
If you google Asshole my face may very well pop up 2 pages into the search. Some people say… Why worry about “the haters?” This is bigger that just the concept of haters. I have a mission in life to bring truth and beauty through my music and the visuals that anchor around it. The media has successfully diminished the “receptive” audience of (3rd person)… KANYE WEST…taking a 15 second blip the mdeia have successfully painted the image of the “ANGRY BLACK MAN’ The King Kong theory.
I’m the guy who at one point could perform the Justin Timberlake on stage and everyone would be sooo happy that I was there.
People tweeted that they wish I was dead… No listen. They wanted me to die people. I carry that. I smile and take pictures through that. I wear my scars… It’s almost like I have to where a suit to juxtapose my image and I won’t lie… IT WORKS!
I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that’s so beautiful and I want her to have it. If she won’t take it then I’ll perform it for her. She had nothing to do with my issues with award shows. She had no idea what hit her. She’s justa lil girl with dreams like the rest of us. She deserves the apology more than anyone. Thank you Biz Stone and Evan Williams for creating a platform where we can communicate directly.
We’re both artist and the media and managers are trying to get between us. Everyone wants to capitalize off this is some way. I’m ready to get out of my own way. The ego is overdone… it’s like hoodies.
I know there are family members friends and fans that have literally fought for me. There are people who have named there kids after me… can you imagine that next day in school. Even though I don’t have kids…
I am responsible for those who love and represent me and what they have to deal with on a day to day defending “The American Psycho”. I watched Justin Timberlake at the Grammies loose every televised award including album of the year which the Dixie Chicks won. I would have ran on stage for Justin that night because Sexy Back (in my mind) was that important… that impactful to our culture. It’s not about race America. No one in our position ever stands up and says anything anymore. I have given my awards to other groups multiple times on national TV… They never showed that this past year during the massacre of Kanye.
Who’s seen the play Wicked? I’ve seen it 4 times! Other than loving the music acting and costumes… it’s my story!!! The Wicked witch of the west basically is so convicted to tell her’ truth when she does it she is outcasted by society and turned WICKED.
With new found humility … who am I to run on stage? I would never ever again in a million years do that. Sorry to let you down. It is distasteful to cut people off as a general rule. What’s the point of dressing tastefully if I’m going to act the complete opposite? Yes I was that guy. A 32 year old child.
When I woke up from the crazy nightmare I looked in the mirror and said GROW UP KANYE … I take the responsibility for my actions. I am not a bad person. Even in that moment I was only trying to do good but people don’t always need my help. Beyonce didn’t need that. MTV didn’t need that and Taylor and her family friends and fans definitely didn’t want or need that.
These aren’t regular tweets… this is stream of consciousness … I want you guys to know and feel where my head is at… It feels like the movie Heat when you wanted Deniro to make it… You want the bad guy to make it. These tweets have no manager, no publicist , no grammar checking… this is raw.
Humanity and Empathy are 2 of the 4 principles at facebook. Those were the 2 principles I was missing on that evening. Why are there so many tweets? Well this isn’t a simple subject. There are layers to this beyond me running on stage. You’ve got the top layer… Kanye’s rude!
If I speak in 3rd person it’s because I’m quoting people sometimes I forget to put the quotations you know my grammar.. #ITSAPROCESS
You’ve got a layer of order… this is how things are spose to go this is how it’s always been etc. You’ve got a layer of… What is reality? You really want this guy to die over an award show???!! wooooooow ….. You’ve got the Media play… Who benefitted off of the moment? MTV? JAY LENO? BEYONCE? ALL FORMS OF MEDIA? TAYLOR? KANYE WEST? Who gained? Who lost?
Walk with me people… let’s break this down for real now. I might get in trouble again lol? WHO BENEFITED FOR REAL PEOPLE???!!!!!!!! A year later where do we stand? There’s a layer of… hey Kanye said what I was thinking. There’s a layer of… Entertainment… we are entertainers and this is only TV… not the War. Why was it made into such a race issue. Taylor loves rap music… I love country music.
I’ve hurt, I’ve bled, I’ve learned. I only want to do good. I am passionate I am human I am real. I wish I could meet every hater. I wish I could talk to every hater face to face and change there a opinion of me one conversation at a time. I wish they all knew how much I really cared about music and pop culture and art and peoples feelings.
I wish they could accept that I’ve grown and only want to do good for the world. I want to help as many people as I can. I want to help starting with the music and ending with the smile. I want to win there hearts back so I can continue to bring my take on culture to the masses with a clean opinion.
It starts with this…
I’m sorry Taylor.”
And then Kanye folded his speech, got off the podium and walked down the aisle towards his desk as I’m sitting there with my head cocked back, my mouth wide open and my eyes counting the holes in the perforated ceiling above. What did I just witness?!