Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 1, 2010 / Posted by:

SIZZLEAN!

They hardly makes this mess anymore, but in the 70s and 80s it was whored out to the public as bacon’s healthier and skinnier younger cousin. Sizzlean didn’t send a hot loan of bacon grease shooting down your throat straight into your arteries when you bit into it. It was like safe sex bacon. And it tasted like a condom blended with pork scented cardboard. But since my mom fell for all the health shit of the 80s and 90s, I ate Sizzlean almost every week. It was the closet thing my tongue was going to get to bacon, so I took it. If you rubbed a stick of butter over it before sticking it in your mouth, it went down easier (but doesn’t everything?).

Sizzlean is seriously one of the best product names ever. It sounds like the name of an aerobic instructor drag queen. Or the name of a western twink night at a gay club in South Florida. And the commercials should’ve won a million awards. There was one with Carol Potter, which was strangely sort of sexy. And of course, there’s the most famous one below.

“Move over bacon…” is a brilliant cock-blocking line that you can still use today!

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