This Isn’t Going To End Well

August 31, 2010 / Posted by:

The inside of Amy Wino’s house probably already looks like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (but more corpses and way more jugs of homemade booze), so imagine what that shit will turn into if Dreamboat Doherty moves his mess in with her. Their mutual stank will rise into the sky and form a signal to all roaches far and wide. So if you see a parade of roaches heading towards the Atlantic Ocean for the UK you now know why. No need to RAID their asses. They are headed for the promise land.

The Sun reports that Wino is currently renovating her Casa de Crackery in Camden and wants Dreamy to stay with her. A source said, “Amy has offered Pete a place to stay while he’s in London working on The Libertines comeback. She thinks a lot of him and they’ve been through a lot together so she wants to help him out. But pals are worried because they are bad influences on each other.

If Wino and Dreamy live under the same roof, their kitchen cupboards will be completely empty except for broken light bulbs, burnt rolling papers, melted ice pops, random pube hairs, alley cat whiskers and half-filled mini bar booze bottles. Both Wino and Dreamy only clean their crotches once a month with a garden hose, so they will use the tub for a giant barf bin. Actually, that kind of sounds like a non-stop party. Do they need a third roommate?

But seriously, we all know what happened one of the last times these two wrecks got together?

On a positive note, at least they won’t ever have to worry about a rodent infestation, because no mouse is going to go near that house.

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