There’s good news and there’s “WONK PLEASE” news. First up is the good news, which brings all of us one beautiful step closer to seeing Parasite Hilton push a wonky tear out of her eye in the back a cop car AGAIN. TMZ reports that Wonks will be charged with a felony for getting caught with a .8 grams of coke in Las Vegas over the weekend. According to the police report, the arresting officer didn’t even have to work that hard to bust Wonky, because an invisible angel picked up the bag of Lindsay Lohan’s favorite nose mint from her bag and gracefully dropped it into the cop’s open palm.
The cop writes that right after they pulled Wonky’s boyfriend Cy Waits over, she started complaining about how she needed to take a piss (aka flush the evidence down the toilet). So the cop held on to Wonky’s purse and escorted her into the Wynn Hotel so she could use the bathroom.
Once they were inside, she asked the cop if she could get some lip chap out of her purse. The cop when on to write: “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggie begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.” HA. When Darwin fails, we all win.
The cop also found a broken Albuterol tablet and Zig Zag rolling papers. Wonks admitted that the Albuterol belonged to her, but she pulled an excuse straight out of every episode of Cops by saying that the coke wasn’t hers. And not only was the coke not hers, but neither was the purse! This bitch told the police that her friend let her borrow the purse earlier. Wonks said that she had seen the bag of coke in the purse earlier, but she thought “it was gum.”
Now for the “WONK PLEASE” news. According to TMZ, her story is about as jacked up as her eye, because she’s now telling friends that she thinks she was set up! Wonks has admitted to friends that the purse is hers, but she believes a shifty bitch dropped the coke into her bag. A source claims that Wonky is saying, “I had no idea the cocaine was there. I swear on my life. It could be a setup. Everyone knows how against cocaine I am.” Wonks also thinks that the cop turned it into a big deal, because she’s famous.
So just to recap, Wonks is either going to play “the coke is not mine” card or “the purse is not mine” card. Here’s hoping Las Vegas plays the “GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL” card and sets this dumb bitch up in a nice jail suite a few doors down from O.J. Simpson on celebrity row.