Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 28, 2010 / Posted by:

Beth Weems Pirtle, the 76-year-old beauty queen champion from North Texas and the newly crowned Miss American Dreams Senior!

At 76 years old, Beth Weems Pirtle is showing girls half her age (and even one tenth of her age) how you really wear glamour, grace, elegance, rhinestone and the most expensive satin fabric at a JoAnn’s clearance sale! Beth Weems Pirtle (a refined lady that I feel like I should always address by her full name) won her last title all the way back in the 90s, but she recently sashayed out of retirement to compete in the Miss American Dreams pageant after they invited her. This was obviously all supposed to happen since Beth Weems Pirtle bought a brand new TERRY COSTA ORIGINAL (grab your chest and gasp like that means something) just before she got the invitation.

When Beth Weems Pirtle’s perfectly manicured toe hit the stage, all her other competition disappeared. No, seriously all the other glamour memaws left the room because they had to pee for the fifth time in an hour. Beth Weems Pirtle easily won the title! She now has a crown that tastes like Werther’s Originals when you lick it! And a sash made of epsom salt that dissolves in the bath to soothe Beth Weems Pirtle’s royal bones.

Here’s a short interview Beth Weems Pirtle gave to the local news. She’s almost like Blanche Devereaux sans that whole BIG SLUT thing. Behold your new Miss American Dreams Senior!

This just confirms to Donald Trump that the age limit for Miss USA should be raised to 77 next year! I mean, can any of those unseasoned young hos pop the “hand to face” pose like Beth Weems Pirtle is in the picture above? I’m beauty queen waving at the answer “NO!!!”

(For Sluttsville)

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