George Michael lost his drivers license for 6-months earlier this week after he pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of marijuana. The judge in the case will sentence George next month and he could end spending a long time pruning his pristine hairline in jail, because this is his 7th time fucking up behind the wheel. George apparently knows this which is why he wrote an apology letter to his fans on his website and admitted that he spent 14 days in rehab.
If you want to sway like a jazz club background swinger while reading George’s letter, make Careless Whisper (Instrumental) your soundtrack. It will also make George’s words seem sexier, because Careless Whisper (Instrumental) makes absolutely everything sexier.
Personally, I think the only bitch George Michael owes an apology to is the Snappy Snaps he brutally mutilated with his Range Rover, so hopefully he sent it an apology fruit bouquet or something. And can somebody pass two copies of this letter to White Oprah and Lindsay Lohan with the note “See, it’s not that fucking hard” written on top.