The Rumored “Dancing With The Has-Beens” Cast Is A Mess

August 26, 2010 / Posted by:

Bristol Palin, The Hoff, Mop Head, The Situation and Ceiling Eyes all sitting in a room together wearing enough sequins to make Johnny Weir’s sparkly fart bubbles feel inadequate. No, I did not just to describe a scene to you from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. This horrific scene might happen in real life…and on live television!

E! News and UsWeekly are both reporting that the next cast of Dancing with the Has-Beens and Never-Wases includes Alaska’s most famous teen mom, the Tri-State area’s largest supplier of crotch crabs and The Hoff.

Bristol Palin reportedly dumped Levi because he would rather hump on the spotlight than on her, so she’s really showing his ass who can hump it harder. E! says that Bristol’s deal is already done. Anybody who has seen Bristol’s acting debut on The Secret Life of an American Teenager knows that she’s more wooden than The Situation’s head, so this shit is going to be entertaining.

It’s been reported that The Situation, Brandy, The Hoff, Florence Henderson, Troy Aikman Jennifer Grey, Ceiling Eyes and Michael Bolton are all in talks. ABC will announce the full cast on August 30th. This mess of all messes premieres on September 20th, so mark that day on your calendar as the world comes to a crashing end. Yes, it ends on a dancefloor and under a disco ball.

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