Naomi Campbell Comes Prepared

Any one of Naomi Campbell’s many enemies are always waiting for the perfect moment to replace the contents of her $5000 bottle of conditioner with Pantene (the drug store fumes will choke her instantly) or sprinkle d-Con nuggets into her glass of Cristal, so this story from Page Six doesn’t surprise me at all. Naomi is a lot of things (examples: a cunt, a cunt, a cunt, a cunt, and a cunt, etc…), but she’s not dumb.

A source tells Page Six that during dinner at a restaurant in Capri the other night, Naomi snapped at one of her bodyguards to bring her a little something to murder the blandness from her meal. The source said, “She couldn’t indulge in food until her boyfriend’s bodyguard brought over her own salt and pepper shakers.” But Naomi’s rep corrected the source, “It wasn’t salt and pepper, it’s her Jamaican hot sauce.”

Jamaican hot sauce?! More like the blood, sweat and tears of her victims. What the rep failed to mention is that right before she poured the hot sauce onto the blood diamond she was about to eat, she made her bodyguard inject it directly into his veins to see if he’d bust into a seizure and start foaming at the mouth. Again, the treasured cunt can’t be too careful.