Apparently, Miss Philippines was one of the favorites to take home the crown (made from Donald Trump’s taint dingles) at last night’s Miss Universe pageant, but then she pretty much fucked her chances in the ass during the Q&A part of the competition.
Mister Chyna Phillips himself Billy Baldwin asked Maria Venus Raj (FYI: That’s a really hot name) what one of her biggest mistakes in life was and how she fixed it. If Billy asked her that question again today, she’d probably say that the biggest mistake in her life is the answer she gave last night. Because last night, Maria Venus said that she’s never had any major problems and then she babbled on like me in front of a McDonald’s menu at 3am.
To be fair, if I was standing up there with my hair so tight that it was making my nipples sore (I don’t know what that means either!) and enough make-up on my face to cover a Kardashian for a week, I’d probably give some shit answer to. It also doesn’t help when Billy Baldwin is staring at you like you’re doing yourself in the bath tub while a UB40 song plays in the background.
AND how was Maria Venus supposed to hear anything when the screech of a thousand gays from her home country filled her ear holes with glitter and made her nerves tingle! This is what I’m talking about (skip to the 2:25 mark):
DAMN! Now I finally know what the inside of my head looks like whenever I see a peen in the flesh instead of on a computer screen. Give us all a Q-tip!
via Boy Culture