Lindsay Lohan Will Be Released Back Into The Wild Any Day Now

Hide yo 8-balls, hide yo vials of back alley collagen, hide yo key to the booze cabinet and hide yo everything, because Lindsay Lohan’s cage at UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital might be opened sometime this week. White Oprah just lifted her head off a toilet somewhere and let out a giant exhale (smells like T.G.I.Friday’s Mud Slides and Vicodin mash), because her top-tier ho will be back on the stroll.

Several sources tell TMZ that Lindsay Lohan’s doctors at UCLA have determined that she’s not bi-polar and her hunger for Adderall isn’t as serious as they originally thought. The doctors are currently writing their final report on LiLo, and they will most likely suggest to the judge that she be released into outpatient care sometimes this week. They don’t think that LiLo’s issues require more inpatient care. If the judge approves, LiLo’s 90-day rehab sentence will be cut short and they will let go of her leash!

Okay, so if LiLo isn’t every brand of crazy and she isn’t a major Adderallhead, what the hell is her excuse then? Basically, she’s just naturally a delusional leather bag of self-entitlement? That makes sense. The doctors probably made this official medical decision after watching White Oprah on Today last week. It’s genetic! Nothing they can do.

Or maybe there’s more to this. Since the state of California is thisclose to asking Suze Orman to make them a weekly budget on an Excel spreadsheet, they probably figure that before they do that they can let LiLo out and then tax the shit out of the bad shit. Maybe the Lohan family will pull them out of the red! So you can blame LiLo if CA starts taxing crack and meth.