The lustrous rhinestone of Beverly Hills and the sparking sweat bubble of North Carolina were both released from the hospital where they have been seeking treatment for very different reasons. First up is Zsa Zsa! Slap a cop and read on…
Zsa Zsa Gabor was hospitalized almost a month ago after she busted her hip bone while trying to answer the phone during Jeopardy. Zsa Zsa received a new hip and everyone thought it wouldn’t be long before she was sipping champagne out of crystal goblets again, but her condition quickly went from “Fabulous, Dahling” to “Shitty, Dahling” (that’s really what the doctor wrote on her medical file).
Zsa Zsa’s condition has improved enough for her to be sent home. Zsa Zsa’s husband, Prince Von A Hole, told the reporters outside of their mansion, “She smiled already and started flirting with the guys who took her home.” So that plastic chandelier hanging over your Ikea dining table has a reason to sparkle again!
As for Fantasia, she was stuck in the arm with an IV drip a couple of days ago when she overdosed on Aspirin and sleeping pills. Some say Fanny tried to commit suicide, and others say it was accidental. Fanny’s rep only said that she took the pills, because she’s been having a hard time dealing with all the media attention surrounding her relationship with a married dude.
Fanny’s rep confirmed last night that she was out of the hospital and ready to start promoting her album, “She is more committed than ever to her daughter and her work because they are her heart, her soul and inspiration.”
Hopefully while Fanny was slurping on hospital Jello and inhaling the musty scent of her neighbor’s bed pan, she came to the realization that offing yourself over married dick is not the way. In trying times like this, Fanny should ask herself, “What would the wise whore Sienna Miller do?*” Well, Sienna Miller would keep sucking that peen while flipping everyone off. Or she’d replace that previously owned wang with a different one. Fill your mouth with new dick (aka nature’s anti-depressant), not Aspirins!
*Surgeon General’s Warning: Don’t ever take advice from Sienna Miller.