“To Audrey Hepburn, A Twee Woman Who Couldn’t Act Worth A Spotted Dick!”

August 7, 2010 / Posted by:

Shots fired! Dip your face in Crisco, pull your hair back, slip on your scrappin’ rings and choose a side, because there’s a new feud going down! Although, this might be the shortest feud ever since the other one really isn’t around to defend herself due to the little fact that she’s DEAD!

Emma Thompson received her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday and so she gave an interview to the Hollywood Reporter (via Daily Mail) about her career and future projects, etc… They eventually got around to talking about the My Fair Lady remake that Emma is currently writing. Emma said that she isn’t a fan of the original movie and then she slowly pulled a shank out of her mouth and stabbed it into Audrey Hepburn’s coffin.

The star of such masterpieces as Nanny McPhee Returns put up her dukes when she said that Audrey couldn’t act or sing (FYI: Audrey recorded all the songs for My Fair Lady, but the producers dubbed her ass with Marni Nixon’s voice behind her back), “I’m not hugely fond of the film. I find Audrey Hepburn fantastically twee.” When the Hollywood Reporter asked Emma what the fuck “twee” means, she explained, “Twee is whimsy without wit. It is mimsy-mumsy sweetness without any kind of bite. And that’s not for me. She can’t sing and she can’t really act, I’m afraid. I’m sure she was a delightful woman – and perhaps if I had known her I would have enjoyed her acting more, but I don’t and I didn’t, so that’s all there is to it really.”

Emma pretty much repeated her thoughts on the My Fair Lady movie and Audrey Hepburn to Daily Variety, “I find it chocolate-boxy, clunky and deeply theatrical. I don’t think that it’s a film. It’s the theater piece put onto film. It was Cecil Beaton’s designs and Rex Harrison that gave it its extraordinary quality. I don’t do Audrey Hepburn. I think that she’s a guy thing. I’m sure she was this charming lady, but I didn’t think she was a very good actress. It’s high time that the extraordinary role of Eliza was reinterpreted because it’s a very fantastic part for a woman.”

To Emma, Pygmalion, the play that My Fair Lady is based on, is truer to the character of Eliza Doolittle. Emma thinks that the musical made light of Eliza’s father selling her ass to the highest bidder, “It’s a very terrible thing he does, selling his daughter into sexual slavery for a fiver. I suppose my cheekiness is in saying: ‘This is a very serious story about the usage of women at a particular time in our history. And it’s still going on today’. Yes, OK, it’s a wonderful musical, but let’s also look at what it’s really saying about the world. Fans of the original won’t want another one to be made – and honestly, one has to just cope with that. The original is incredibly long. The audience can expect less songs.”

Emma hopes Carey Mulligan will take the part of Eliza Doolittle in her version.

HA! This is totally going to give Jennifer Love Hewitt a reason to get into Holly Golightly drag again so she can slappity slap slap Emma in the face for this. Only JLove can fuck with Audrey.

Oh, Emma’s just having an opinion! Personally, I can’t really say a bad thing about Audrey even if I tried and that’s saying a lot. Audrey was purdier than a million Zac Efrons twirling in a field of daisies made of pink rhinestones, and her swan walk down a flight of stairs in Funny Face is what dreams are made of, so I’ll just leave it at that. I only wish that Rex Harrison was around today, because you know that grouchy bag of cuntness would have some shit to say about this!

Here’s some pictures of Emma celebrating her new star with Hugh Laurie and her Nanny McPhee co-stars (the pig and Maggie Gyllenhaal [too easy]).

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