Dear Showgirls, Glitter, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls and Coyote Ugly, spray a little Jean Nate on your wet parts, because you’ve got company. Hopefully.
There might be a new piece of sequins-covered caca to enjoy on Starz at 3am when the only thing you need to keep down the drunk barfs is a big bowl of shit acting with a cup of body glitter. This is the new trailer for Burlesque, the movie where Xtina plays a small town girl in a gutter ass wig who moves to Hollywood to pursue her dream of becoming a superstar singer. Xtina’s character gets a job as a janitor or some shit at a burlesque club owned by Julie Masking (played by Cher’s wax figure on loan from Madame Tussauds).
We all know how it’s going to end. Xtina’s going to realize that her soul can’t handle Hollywood because it’s a town that “swallows you up and spits you out.” So Xtina, Cher and Alan Cumming will all pile into a blue convertible and travel cross country to compete in a drag show in NYC.
And not only can I not wait to see if Burlesque is bad enough to join the legendary works of art I listed above, but I also can’t wait to see the inevitable stage version performed by a bunch of drag queens Off-Off-Off-Off-Broadway.